Less Stupid: The Internet Is 10,000 Unanswered Questions

by saythatscool

A long weekend with refreshments restores the refined spirit and intellect. We returned to a shortened work week, full of dreadful creativity and wonderment. We had questions-and commenters were going to ask those questions, answers be damned.

We wondered how many kitchen utensils we really needed. And why our dogs were so stupid. We wondered: how many coconuts we could get for a fish? Actually, we answered that. My significant other wondered: does this swimsuit make my ass look big? It doesn’t Clarence, you are as beautiful as the day I married you.

All that time with our loved ones made us question our relationships. We questioned our sexual preferences and why we get divorced. We wondered how badly we screwed it up and what we missed in the process.

Others queried what they were doing in the first place? We wondered how to make amends and move on.

The youngs asked: how old is too old? The olds wondered how to make themselves attractive again to the youngs. The olds then asked: why are we attracted to the youngs in the first place? Then we all wondered about that leery stranger. Then we wondered when they were going to play our song.

We wondered where we could gas up cheaply and about that nearby disappeared sex prison. We asked what kind of man likes what kind of superhero and if we missed the summer sequel.

I started to wonder if sorry your heinous was Lee Marvin or Toshiro Mifune and why anyone would ever compliment an Albanian.

We came back to our work and demanded to know whatever happened to Electric Six and Abe. We wondered about our futures and what we were really doing.Â

References were made that I don’t get, but apparently everyone else does. Others around us just seemed very lost.

My conclusion? Love is a literal battlefield. (All apologies for messing with a Pat Benatar classic.)

No but seriously folks. Most importantly? I Shirley Templed a bro and now he can tap dance. And on and on and on.

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