A Five-Part Guide To Irish Viral Videos: The Stunning Conclusion
by Sean McTiernan
Sometimes videos go viral within the confines of one country and they never reach the wider world. Luckily we’ve had Irishman Sean McTiernan to take us through the country’s storied collection of viral gems: we’ve examined the majesty of Ham Sandwich, the mystery of Irish rap and had fun with the cops. Yesterday, we looked at mad TV presenter Pat Kenny. And who couldn’t? With his beady dolls eyes and his sinister message from his home planet. But today, in our final installment, we’re widening our brief and taking a tour around the rest of the madness that Irish TV has to offer to the world.
The old Irish TV tradition of not cutting away at any cost. About halfway through this report, it becomes clear that there is about to be an unwelcome intervention. But the Irish TV team remained ever vigilant-only when physical violence is about to be enacted on the intrepid reporter do they cut away. Observe the thought process of the attacker “I can’t be identified-oh no, wait, I want to be on TV… let’s take the hood off again.” Great facial expressions back in the studio as well: “Oh God, typical.”
This is the apex of the Irish cutting away problem. The reporter is nowhere near the camera and when you eventually do see him he is completely terrified. Bizarrely, none of the children swear. They do however exhibit the little-known scourge of the Irish race: the insistence on getting as close to an operating camera as possible. Below is the horrific natural result of that obsession.
You’d be forgiven for thinking that story is being reported by a many-headed monster and thus is sort of burying the lead. Sadly, the fate being endured by reporter David Davin Power (or Diamond Davin Power, if you’re like me and want to make the news more like wrestling) is a lot more sinister than that. He is doing the story at the party conference of major Irish political party Fianna Fáil (yes, this does make headlines easier). There is a disturbing and strong tradition in Ireland of a politician of note being interviewed while his yes men stand all around him, rapt with sycophantic ecstasy.
This is a step further. These complete morons are minor members of the party who just want to be on TV and want to make sure DDP is saying what they want. That not only grown men, but ostensibly grown men who are supposed to act on behalf of the people, is just embarrassing for everyone really. Their party put them there in the hopes that people from their local constituency would see them and go: “Was that Marty in that hill of twats on the telly? He’s got our vote!” Oh and watch for the beardy man who disappears briefly on the right.
Hey, there’s a nude painting some “edgy” artist did of our Prime Minister Brian Cowen (Taoiseach if you’re curious about what it’s actually called… and no, I won’t pronounce that for you). Not only did the main news program in the country actually do a story on this, they presented it as if it were a “Monty Python” sketch. There’s not a lot of love lost between him and I (also, I suspect he’s the person I keep arguing with on my “Doctor Who” message board) but if you’re the country’s main news program you should probably have slightly more respect. Every aspect of this report is so pun-friendly and camp, they may as well have played footage of An Taoiseach putting on his underwear while playing the “Benny Hill” theme underneath it. And yes, they did apologize.
As a contrast, here is the news enacting beautiful justice. This clip would be funny enough if it just had two of the most stereotypical Irish criminals in history trying vainly to wipe the guilt off their boss’s car. Even the cigarettes look completely fake, like stupid children wearing an awful disguise. But when you finish it off with instant karma delivered by an inanimate object: that’s a kind of magic you just don’t get every day, friend.
There’s a lot of reasons to love this clip. It’s closest approximation of what talking to my friends is like. It was shown on one of the state owned TV stations. The show is regularly like this. The lady to comedian Andrew Maxwell’s right is about to try and soften the point before he annihilates it. It happened on the Christmas show. And best of all: it assumes, correctly, it is perfectly acceptable to show zero respect to the irritating, facile, smug inhabitants of South Dublin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsNvbpSMujg
What’s the worst thing you’ve heard someone say on TV and not get fired? Nevermind, here’s a video of Scottish footballer Graham Souness proudly continuing his career as a commentator by using the word “rape” as a synonym for sporting domination.
Leaving you with a depressing and horrible video of a Scotsman? I ain’t going out like that, reader. For the finish I am showing you Ireland’s most beloved viral video. A video which is dear to every man, woman and child in this country. The video that every person I asked over the course of this article suggested immediately and then moved quickly to their laptop to watch again. It was broadcast on the News as part of a fairly serious news report. The footage was shot by the News itself. I hope you enjoy it-it saved my life many a time.
Sean McTiernan is 21, his favorite rapper is E40 and he only smokes when he’s drinking. He has a blog and a Twitter. So does everyone though. He also has a podcast on which he has a nervous breakdown once an episode, minimum. In other words: it’s great for the gym. He thanks you for your time.