A Five-Part Guide to Irish Viral Videos: The Secret Pregnancy of Ham Sandwich
by Sean McTiernan
Sometimes videos go viral within the confines of a specific country and they never reach the wider world. Often, that’s a real shame. Lucky for you, Irishman (meaning born, raised and residing in actual Ireland) Sean McTiernan is going to give you a glimpse into the country’s already storied collection of viral gems. Yesterday, we covered Irish Rap, and now, well….
If the words “harmless” and “whatever” formed a band, it would sound like Irish indie band Ham Sandwich.
They even seem to have picked a name that reflects this commitment to “meh.” And although musically they strive for to approximate the color beige, they have discovered a new type of rock’n’roll outrageousness. Lou Reed may have had heroin, Joe Strummer may have had speed but only Ham Sandwich has a female lead singer who spent nine months pregnant without noticing. You won’t find anything like that in Hammer Of The Gods.
It seems slightly mean, it should be noted, to discuss this fairly private matter. However, they kind of opened themselves up for that when they sold their story to an America’s body shock TV show, “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.” That, to me, says: “we are putting this out there.”
This is “real.” It may look like a spoof initially but as it goes on it’ll quickly become obvious this is far too perfect to be a spoof. No one could fake the American actors who, when they aren’t committing to serious silent-movie style gurning, speak in accents that are halfway between a laughable facsimile of a cartoon Scotsman and a distressed pirate. And amazing as these I-am-doing-their-serious-face histrionics, inexplicable Trainspotting impressions and props (her wig is a sentient being) are, they are all surpassed by their most glaring fault of all. These people are too attractive.
Even when Irish people are attractive, and I know several that are extremely so, they are attractive in odd and interesting ways. Like a lovely table with one leg slightly too short. Irish attractiveness has character; these people look like rigorously polished wood. That’s not our game.
Also worth noticing is now eagerly Ham Sandwich are to get as medical as possible. Even the guitarist delivers curious bursts of insight like “she seemed to gain weight but it didn’t really notice cause it wasn’t an awful lot of weight, it just kind of a slight bit more weight.” Imagine this man at 15, thinking, “One day my band will be so popular that footage of me speculating on my female band mate’s weight will be intercut with her explaining the intricacies of her period.”
I know I was mocking their music earlier, but whatever you like it listen is fine with me, honestly. I was just shocked by this weird cash grab that would rob anyone of their credibility as a human being let alone as a band. Anything else you might like to know about them can be found on Wikipedia, though it should be noted that this spring, a band member left due to an unspecified typographical error.
If you’re starting to feel protective of them, well, this should reel you back.
Also, in case you were terribly captivated by the reenactment footage above, here is The Stunning Conclusion.
Spoiler: she has a baby.
Anyway. This is all a real shame (though, congratulations on the child! All’s well that ends well!) and a bad reflection on the Irish music scene, which is having a wildly amazing renaissance at the moment.
For instance, the most exciting rock band in the world currently comes from Ireland, get into them instead.
Their new album sounds like it was recorded in space and is very cheap, you know how to proceed.
Next week: Adventures with the GardaÃ!
Sean McTiernan is 21, his favorite rapper is E40 and he only smokes when he’s drinking. He has a blog and a Twitter. So does everyone though. He also has a podcast on which he has a nervous breakdown once an episode, minimum. In other words: it’s great for the gym.