A Five-Part Guide to Irish Viral Videos: Part Three, The Gardai

by Sean McTiernan

Sometimes videos go viral within the confines of one country and they never reach the wider world. Often, that’s a real shame. Lucky for you, Irishman (meaning born, raised and residing in actual Ireland) Sean McTiernan is here to give you a glimpse into the country’s already storied collection of viral gems. Previously: the majesty of Ham Sandwich and the mystery of Irish rap.

The Gardai are similar to every other police force on earth: sometimes corrupt, but always strangled by bureaucracy, power-crazed and, of course, arresting one of your mates’ brothers who you always assumed would be a serial killer. They are also, however, unarmed. There are no guns. Which is why none of the exciting Irish cop videos online have exciting gunfights.

I see you, laughing your sanctimonious American laugh, with your big cowboy hat, up on your massive horse, your spurs clanking. Well, you’re wrong, in no way does a lack of guns make the Irish police any less valid than yours. Irish people just have more respect for social order and that kind of thing. It’s not like there’s a video of a Garda running in fear from children throwing snow balls.

Ah, that’s awkward. Oh well. That’s not to say Gardai don’t often take control of their surroundings. At music festivals for instance. You’ve got drunken ejits and hippie mothers in dangerously flammable sun dresses. Sometimes, you have to step up and exert supremacy. Supremacy of… the dancefloor?

Once they get into their cars though, it’s like they’re all in the movie Bullit. Irish Gardai are impossibly good at driving. Here’s a video of the cops being drifted hard by a young man in a fast car. Here they employ the noted police tactic of “waiting for the bastards to feck off” to great effect.

Now, there are plenty of horrid videos of Gardai dragging people across snow or attempting to arrest people illegally and sort of…well, giving up. And I could show you them dear reader, but I won’t. No, because videos like that exist with every police force in the world-well, not the ones allegedly of them getting shoved into a river-and they’re really really depressing. What I will show you though, is how good-natured two rural Gardai were about being subjected to a pretty ingenious prank.

That’s pretty great right? No one got shot or hit there. Great stuff. And finally, I wouldn’t be a disgrace to my race and a stereotype re-enforcing traitor if I didn’t include a video of a heavily intoxicated man as the big finish. This video also supplies an excellent primer on the sort of logically flexible grasp of the rules most Irish people, police and citizens, tend to possess. Not only is the man advised to remain in the shopping cart, his compatriots are sincerely advised to return it once he is home safely. Touching.

Sean McTiernan is 21, his favorite rapper is E40 and he only smokes when he’s drinking. He has a blog and a Twitter. So does everyone though. He also has a podcast on which he has a nervous breakdown once an episode, minimum. In other words: it’s great for the gym.