Britons Still Dirty

“Nearly a fifth of Britons fail to change their sheets at least one a month, startling new figures suggest.” (This news is startling only if you don’t recall that a) this is an annual feature and b) it is a well-established fact that Britons are the most verminous, filth-encrusted hominids to roam the earth and that they recoil from the idea of washing up even more quickly than they do from the glint of a blade wielded with menacing intent which, to be fair, they are probably desensitized to by now. )