NFL Haiku Picks, Week Nine
11/2 8:25 ET Buffalo -3 At NY Jets
Remember to turn
Your clocks back an hour Sunday
And bet on the Bills
PICK: BILLS
11/5 1:00 ET At Philadelphia -8 Denver
Eagles are the best
thing to happen to Philly
Since wizz in cheesesteaks
PICK: EAGLES
11/5 1:00 ET LA Rams -3.5 At NY Giants
The Giants couldn’t
Beat a traffic ticket on
The damned BQE
PICK: RAMS
11/5 1:00 ET At New Orleans -7 Tampa Bay
The Saints defense is
Tougher than a bear eating
A taco in church
PICK: SAINTS
11/5 1:00 ET At Jacksonville -4.5 Cincinnati
All the interesting
Teams have this week off so it’s
Time to wash your car
PICK: BENGALS
11/5 1:00 ET At Carolina -1 Atlanta
Both of these teams are
Hideously broken and
Primed for deep failure
PICK: FALCONS
11/5 1:00 ET At Houston -13 Indianapolis
Congrats to the World
Champion Houston Astros.
Deshaun Watson’s good.
PICK: HOUSTON
11/5 1:00 ET At Tennessee -4.5 Baltimore
You don’t want any
Titans or Ravens on your
Fantasy football team
PICK: TITANS
11/5 4:05 ET Arizona -2 At San Francisco
I feel sorry for
Fans of both these teams because
Holy shit they suck
PICK: 49ers
11/5 4:05 ET At Seattle -7.5 Washington
The Seahawks aren’t that
Good and the Redskins have a
Racist team nickname
PICK: SEAHAWKS
11/5 4:25 ET Kansas City -1 At Dallas
Could be a pretty
awesome game if Elliot
Is unsuspended
PICK: COWBOYS
11/5 8:30 ET Oakland -3 At Miami
The Dolphins traded
Away their best offensive
Player! Read a book!
PICK: RAIDERS
11/6 8:30 ET Detroit -2.5 At Green Bay
The Lions are jinxed
And the Packers don’t have a
Quarterback! Watch ‘The Voice!’
PICK: LIONS
Jim Behrle lives in Jersey City. Remember to do something to your clocks this weekend.