NFL Haiku Picks, Week Six
10/12 8:25 ET At Carolina -3 Philadelphia
Cam Newton doesn’t
Respect women reporters
And must be destroyed
PICK: EAGLES
10/15 1:00 ET At Houston -10 Cleveland
The Cleveland Browns are
A human caterpillar
Of awful football
PICK: TEXANS
10/15 1:00 ET New England -9.5 At NY Jets
Game of the Jets’ year
It’s a Gang Green Super Bowl
Carpe diem, Jets
PICK: JETS
10/15 1:00 ET At Atlanta -11.5 Miami
The Dolphins should play
Teams without their best QBs
Every frigging week
PICK: FALCONS
10/15 1:00 ET At New Orleans -5 Detroit
I like the Lions
Even though they don’t score much
Until fourth quarter
PICK: LIONS
10/15 1:00 ET Green Bay -3.5 At Minnesota
Aaron Rodgers can
Do anything except make
Funny commercials
PICK: VIKINGS
10/15 1:00 ET At Baltimore -6.5 Chicago
Mark Trubisky is
A starting quarterback in
The NFL now
PICK: RAVENS
10/15 1:00 ET At Washington -10 San Francisco
The Niners are great
At kneeling but bad at all
Other football stuff
PICK: 49ers
10/15 4:05 ET At Jacksonville -2.5 LA Rams
Jacksonville seems like
A magical place filled with
Delightful people
PICK: RAMS
10/15 4:05 ET Tampa Bay -2.5 At Arizona
The Cardinals couldn’t
Win small fries in McDonald’s
Monopoly game
PICK: BUCCANEERS
10/15 4:25 ET At Kansas City -4 Pittsburgh
It’s tough to win in
Kansas City because the
BBQ’s so good
PICK: STEELERS
10/15 4:25 ET At Oakland -3 LA Chargers
The Next Sheldon Show
CBS should make should be
Young Zombie Sheldon
PICK: CHARGERS
10/15 8:30 ET At Denver -12 NY Giants
The Giants don’t have
Any wide receivers and
should punt on first down
PICK: GIANTS
10/16 8:30 ET At Tennessee Off Indianapolis
New female boy scouts
Are going to put male boy scouts
To grim, complete shame
PICK: TITANS
Last week’s Haiku Picks went 7-7. Sorry.