NFL Haiku Picks, Week Two

Image: Dave Parker via Flickr

THU 9/14 8:25 ET At Cincinnati -5 Houston

J.J. Watt’s finger
Bone busted through his skin and
He just taped it up

PICK: TEXANS

SUN 9/17 1:00 ET Tennessee -1.5 At Jacksonville

Blake Bortles is to
Quarterbacks what Ted Cruz is
To internet porn

PICK: TITANS

9/17 1:00 ET At Baltimore -7.5 Cleveland

When the world does end
And only cockroaches live
the Browns will still lose

PICK: BROWNS

9/17 1:00 ET At Carolina -7.5 Buffalo

Rex Ryan is gone
And now the Bills are way less
Fun to make fun of

PICK: BILLS

9/17 1:00 ET New England -6.5 At New Orleans

Tom Brady’s never
eaten a strawberry and
Drew Brees has tried one

PICK: SAINTS

9/17 1:00 ET Arizona -7.5 At Indianapolis

The Colts got blown out
By 40 points but the good
news is life is short

PICK: CARDINALS

9/17 1:00 ET At Kansas City -4.5 Philadelphia

Arrowhead Stadium is
Tough to win at because the
ribs are too tasty

PICK: CHIEFS

9/17 1:00 ET At Pittsburgh -6 Minnesota

Roethlisberger wants
to bring back “Heinz Field Mystique”
Which must be a sauce?

PICK: VIKINGS

9/17 1:00 ET At Tampa Bay -7 Chicago

The Buccaneers hope
To bring comfort and strength to
Their stripper fan base

PICK: BEARS

9/17 4:05 ET At LA Chargers -4.5 Miami

LA never asked
For the Chargers and didn’t
Keep the damned receipt

PICK: DOLPHINS

9/17 4:05 ET At Oakland -14 NY Jets

The pick of the year!
The Jets in the Black Hole are
Like corn in your poo!

PICK: JETS

9/17 4:25 ET At LA Rams -2.5 Washington

When Chargers fans meet
Rams fans in the parking lot
Many shrugs will be shrugged

PICK: RAMS

9/17 4:25 ET Dallas -2 At Denver

Mile High Stadium
Is on top of a mountain
Where Cowboys can’t breathe

PICK: BRONCOS

9/17 4:25 ET At Seattle -13.5 San Francisco

The 49ers
Couldn’t win a bingo game
In a damned grave yard

PICK: SEAHAWKS

9/17 8:30 ET At Atlanta -2.5 Green Bay

You know what Ted Cruz’s
Pornography name would be?
Dracula Packer

PICK: PACK

MON 9/18 8:30 ET At NY Giants -4 Detroit

The Lions love to
Come back in the 4th Quarter
Like most of House Stark

PICK: LIONS

Last week Haiku Picks went 5-10. Tough start!