How To Vote

Yes it is election day at last, when your voice can be heard! Sort of. Kind of muddily. But this is what we have for now.

This is time for our basically annual reminder that New York has a wacky way of voting! And you can make your voice be heard a little more because candidates appear on different party lines on our weirdo ballots. For instance, Democrats will often appear on the Democrat line but also on the Working Parties line, and if you want to tell them that their voter base is to the left of Democrat, you vote on that line. Crazy right? So if you want to tell de Blasio that you’re on board but you’re left on board, you do that.

Then you will have to confront your feelings on casinos. They’re tacky and horrid! But they create jobs. But ugh, Genting, and Trump! But freedom! But gambling addiction! But capitalism! It’s an impossible choice really. Today is the day when you find out if you are in your heart a libertarian.

Anyway, the actual ballots are just a two-side Scantron page. Fill in the bubbles, scan it into the machine, ta da. You are a solid American citizen for having voted.