Let's Make the Sequester the SEA QUESTER!

So this fiscal cliff thing, whatever it is, seems pretty bad. Or maybe it’s not that big a deal? Will it last forever? Is it “in the Constitution” or just a Politico scam? Is it Obama’s fault, or are liberals to blame? The problem is that sequester is jargon garbage that means nothing to anyone outside of newsrooms and the U.S. Capitol, which should just have iron bars put in all the windows and doorways and be renamed Ronald Reagan Federal Penitentiary.

What’s happening is nothing less than a partial-birth shutdown of the United States. It is the fault of Tea Party Kochbats in Congress who are, if I’m reading the Constitution correctly, committing terrorism — “treason,” in old-timey Constitution framers’ talk — against the American People, especially old white people on Social Security who vote Republican, despite all evidence suggesting they are voting against their own interests. The best way to illustrate this sequester concept during the next few days before it resolves is to bring back the classic undersea adventure show “SeaQuest,” which had Bob Fosse as the Old Sea Captain and a dolphin wearing a parka as “Ensign Dolphin.” Even a Fox News viewer can say “Sea Quest” correctly, with some practice. Let’s make this happen, Hollywood! The nation needs the entertainment industry like never before.