Channing Tatum Causes Reflection On The Rapid Approach Of Death

It really has been The Year of Channing Tatum, hasn’t it? Remember when he did that interview with the hungover guy? Also, this is where I might as well confess that at least 50% of the time I refer to him as Tatum Channing — not that I refer to him a lot, but when I do I am likely to get his name reversed, mostly because I am finally, irrevocably old and I don’t retain things anymore. Like, the guy who played Bane in the Batman movie? Couldn’t tell you his name without looking him up, although I hear he is hot behind the mask and somehow everyone already knows who he is and has opinions about his previous credits. Where was I when all this was happening? While I was watching football the other night I kept seeing ads for shows that were going to be “back” soon that I didn’t know already had a season on air. How many TV programs are the networks running about fairy tales anyway? Are The xx any good? Is there any reason I need to watch the video of that Korean guy dancing? Is Honey Boo Boo some kind of a bear? These are all things that I would have known in the past, but no longer. I’m like the guy in Memento, except not only can’t I make new memories, I also don’t give a shit about it. Enjoy your crazy new apps or whatever. I’m gonna go lie down. [Delicately places microphone on the floor.]