Oh The Ways This New iPhone Will Completely (Not) Change Your Universe

by The Wirecutter

“Did you know today is the most important day of the year if you like new iPhones? Yes. You probably did because because people can’t stop writing and reading about this sort of thing; articles guessing what the new iPhone is All About make about are literally as popular as stories about Osama Bin Laden’s assassination and the Japanese Tsunami. At last! No more guessing! And no more patchwork articles about the guessing!

If you want to bear witness to the spectacle in a real time ‘play-by-play’ sports-nnouncer kind of way, you have come to the most incorrect place on earth.* I will be merely keeping a brief, dispassionate log about the new things that are to come in Next iPhone, and all the ways that it will and will not change your life.”