The Story Of The Moon

“A rock thought to date from the moon’s formation points to the satellite being about 200 million years younger than previously calculated, suggesting its history may need to be rewritten.” Oh really? Let me handle that for you!

The True History of the Fucking Moon
by Alex Balk

Once upon a time there was a dumbass piece of rock that was floating around in the sky. Now, this rock was so incredibly stupid that it didn’t have the goddamn sense to stay the hell out of Earth’s way, and, because it was such a shmucky piece of stone, it wound up smacking itself into the Earth and getting dispersed back up into the sky whence it came, collecting a bunch of pieces of dumb space garbage on the way until it turned itself into a idiotic ball full of pointlessness that we would totally be within our rights to blow the fuck up.

The End

Advance praise for Alex Balk’s The True History of the Fucking Moon:

“A remarkable achievement. Balk’s clear, precise and, above all, accurate prose tells the story of the moon in a way that both the layman and the specialist can appreciate.” — Charles F. Bolden, Jr., NASA Administrator

“Finally I can get the fuck out of the Science business. Balk explains it all.” — Stephen Hawking

“I was pretty drunk when I was up there, but this sounds about right.” — Edwin Eugene “Buzz” Aldrin

“I’ll blurb anything!” — Kathryn Harrison

“This was an often difficult journey for me to take, but I can’t tell you that it is untrue: I am exactly this goddamn dumb. A fair and probably more sympathetic treatment than I deserve. Man, why am I so stupid and useless? You guys totally SHOULD blow me up.” — The Fucking Moon

Look for The True History of the Fucking Moon anywhere books about the Fucking Moon are sold.

Photo by jamdesign, via Shutterstock