Gays Thrown Into Hot Turmoil!

Mating and dating in America’s gayest city has been turned on its head. With one smooth twist of Andrew Cuomo’s gloating pen, New York City’s gays now find themselves in a whole different ballgame (as it were) of sexy-time outcomes. Now, like the ladies, the gays must think: am I marriage material? Am I marriage material if I put out on the first date? When and how do we get engaged? And how can we best torture our single friends with expensive destination weddings that require multiple-leg flights and pre-parties and annoying and eccentric gift registries? Long-time couples are in a similar ruckus — even those who’ve never wanted to get married, or think marriage is a relic of the subjugating patriarchy (well?), now have to affirm their choice to not marry. Meanwhile, gays of all stripes will get taken with the moment and marry up and then have a really, really confusing April 15, 2012. What are the legal ramifications of getting married? Gays have no idea. The real winners are gay attorneys, who should basically open up a drive-by prenup shack on Eighth Avenue. All that we know for sure is that, right now, pretty much everyone admires Captain Cuomo.