Suggestions for Billy Joel's Madison Square Garden Residency in 2017

In case he wants to spice things up.

by Christy Admiraal and Stephen Mulder

Nearly three years ago, in a move called “unprecedented” and “historic” by Rolling Stone, Billy Joel announced he would play Madison Square Garden once a month on an indefinite basis. Mr. Joel shows no signs of stopping, and though the songs he plays each month are undeniably classics, one wonders if the Piano Man might benefit from a few variations on his typical repertoire.

January

Mr. Joel performs wall-to-wall Elton John covers. After the second encore (“Levon”), he teases the audience with the opening notes of “Piano Man,” then throws back his head, laughs, and plays “Your Song.”

February

Mr. Joel wears a blindfold during “Prelude/Angry Young Man,” which he plays twice in a row.

March

At the top of the show, Mr. Joel promises in no uncertain terms to throw a $10.50 Heineken at anyone in the orchestra section who yells “Uptown Girl.” He then follows through as many times as necessary.

April

The saxophone solo in “Just the Way You Are” is extended to 90 minutes.

May

Mr. Joel gives the Beau Brummell look exactly one half a chance.

June

After performing “Tell Her About It,” Mr. Joel proceeds to tell the titular her about it. At length.

July

Three words: Attila reunion show.

August

Mr. Joel performs the entire concert in character as Dodger from Oliver & Company and claims to possess “street savoir faire” on multiple occasions.

September

Mr. Joel performs covers of Billy Joel covers, including, but not limited to, Adele’s “To Make You Feel My Love,” Beyoncé’s “Honesty,” and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes’ “Only the Good Die Young.”

October

The show closes with “Piano Man,” but the lyrics are entirely improvised with an all-new cast of characters, each with a more elaborate backstory than the one that came before it.

November

Mr. Joel gives up on the piano entirely, relying on vocal accompaniment from Michael Winslow of Police Academy fame.

December

During “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” Mr. Joel starts an actual fire.

Christy Admiraal and Stephen Mulder met in college 10 years ago. Now, with Christy in New York and Stephen in Michigan, they enjoy a long-distance friendship via Skype and Ticket to Ride Online.