Bonobos Talk To Each Other About Food

Female bonobo: “Oh my god, have you been to the new kiwi place?!”
Male bonobo [looks up from piece of bark he’s perusing]: “You mean the kiwi tree?”
Female bonobo: “Yeah.”
Male bonobo: “No. I heard about it, though. Sifton liked it, I think. It’s good?”
Female bonobo: “It’s not just good. It’s excellent!
Male bonobo: “Ha! Boogie Nights.”
Female: “Seriously, though. You have to go. They have the best kiwis.”
Male bonobo: “Plucked? Or scavanged?”
Female bonobo: “Both. I plucked mine. But Betsy found a good one on the ground by the trunk.”
Male bonobo: “And yours was ripe?”
Female bonobo: “It was perfect!”
Male bonobo: “Because that other time, that one we plucked was so sour — it made my tongue feel like it had little hairs growing on it.”
Female bonobo: “Oh, I hate that. It’s like you can feel the prickly little fuzz on the kiwi skin, right?”
Male bonobo: “I couldn’t even finish it.”
Female bonobo: “No, this one was perfect.”
Male bonobo: “And Betsy’s wasn’t too mealy? Ground fruit is always so mealy. And too sweet. Like, cloyingly sweet.”
Female bonobo: “No, hers was great, too. She gave me a bite.”
Male bonobo: “Betsy’s so nice.”
Female bonobo: “Yeah. She’s a total bonobo.”
Male bonobo: “How about the seeds? Are there good twigs around there to use as toothpicks? I always get the seeds stuck between my teeth.”
Female bonobo: “Jesus, you’re like Larry David. Yes, they have twigs.”
Male bonobo: “Well, yeah. We should go then.”
Female bonobo: “We should go on like a Wednesday, though. The place gets packed.”
Male bonobo: “Oh, I hate that. They don’t take reservations? Why don’t any new places take reservations?”
Female bonobo: “Yeah. But it’s worth it. And we can masturbate each other while we’re on line.”
Male bonobo: “Okay.”