For the Youngs: What to Expect from a Government Shutdown

For the young folks, this might be their first government shutdown as an adult! Like there’s a lot of you who apparently remember where they were when Kurt Cobain died 17 years ago but the government shutdown of 1995 is a little hazy. It’s okay, the mind is like that! You certainly won’t remember the late 70s, when the government shut down constantly, and everyone wore sweaters indoors. (Sorry, that was a joke for the old people.) So you should know there’s nothing to be frightened of! Except:

• Don’t try to visit a national park. There won’t be one there! Just some wilderness.

• Trying to get a passport? Don’t bother! Not gonna happen. Just color photocopy your old one, change the expiration date and embed some secret CIA chips in it yourself.

• Amtrak will run in reverse.

• Usually during government shutdowns, people just straight up have sex in the streets. Why not? There’s no government! And every time we learn, once again, that governments are just the last thin grey line standing between us and anarchy. Without a government, people would do what they actually wanted!