Will Fenway Fans Be Able To Enjoy A Martini As They Take In The Game?

Will the lower orders at Boston’s Fenway Park soon be able to avail themselves of the same mixed drink their better-paying fellow baseball fans enjoy? “Representatives of the Red Sox told the Boston Licensing Board last week that the team wants the right to sell mixed drinks, in addition to beer, ‘at a limited number of stations’ throughout the 37,000-seat stadium and on Yawkey Way. Currently, hard liquor is available mainly at refreshment stands serving fans with upper-level premium seats.” Boston’s mayor and its constabulary seem perturbed by the proposal, which makes sense when you consider how unpleasant even those most sober Red Sox supporter can be. Still, not to worry: “At the hearing last week, Red Sox officials said the mixed drinks available to fans in general seating areas would contain no more alcohol than the beer that is currently sold.” The SAME AMOUNT AS THE BEER? Forget it! Sully’s not messing around with some watery-ass Jack and Ginger when he can get drunk just as easily with those fancy new upside-down kegs. Oh, also, happy Opening Day, everyone!