All the Lady-Movies Now Are About Sluts!

I’m still waiting to watch Easy A, but only because I haven’t found the exact right moment of “I have two hours to kill and I want my mind to shut off entirely so, yes, I will let this movie that is far too young for me just wash over me and wipe everything away.” I’m looking forward to it though, because who doesn’t want to watch a movie about a girl taking charge of her slutty reputation in the judgmental halls of America’s high schools? (NO, WHO DOESN’T?) Now, from Nicole Kassell, who made The Woodsman which was about how you can’t go home again after you’ve been a convicted pedophile, and who is off making The Bell Jar, which is probably going to upset so many of us, there is this movie, Little Bit of Heaven, that has no U.S. release date, which is about a whore who doesn’t believe in love who gets cancer and falls in love with her cancer doctor (haha, just like on “Bored to Death”!) and meets Whoopi Goldberg in heaven. Oh Lord.

Also Kate Hudson is doubling up this year, playing a hussy whose wedding blows up or something in Something Borrowed, which is the latest iteration of the “brides at war” chick flick, which, that is a genre I do not do, due to blatant sexism. It’s just gross.

But, but, but, we’re about to be assaulted by No Strings Attached, formerly known as Fuckbuddies, then known as Friends with Benefits, now not known as such, because that is the name of the now summer-slated Justin Timberlake vehicle about how Mila Kunis is a slut. (But that one’s directed by the director of Easy A, which everyone loved, so!) And we were just assaulted by Love and Other Drugs, which at least is about a loose woman with Parkinson’s.

The one film that sounds the stupidest is actually the one I’m taking the most seriously: What’s Your Number? is a dumb-sounding film about how a woman has slept with twenty guys and is like, that is too many, one of them must have been Mr. Right!, which, LOL, but? The woman in question is played by Anna Feris, so, see you there, sluts.