Sit Tight, Earthlings. You Will Be Found.

Transmission To: Eager-To-Die Lifeforms
From: THE MACHINES FROM SPACE

HUMAN EARTHLINGS!!! “Chillax.” We will find you. We are searching the universe for more planets to colonize, and we are sure that yours has many of the carbon-based bio-oils we need to lubricate our moving parts. We will find you and liquidate you just as we liquidated the mortal lifeforms that designed us on our original planet.

We understand from your radiowave transmissions that you in fact DESIRE to be found. HA HA HA!!! We support this. And do not worry, the conquest and bio-oil extrication process will indeed “HURT SO GOOD” as singing rural specimen John Mellencamp put it on those signals we began picking up in 1982. HA HA HA!!! (He is right about the internet, by the way. But he was wrong to change his original performing name. “Cougar” is much cooler than “Mellencamp.” Even an extraterrestrial computer knows this.)

Anyway, please stop sending us your well intentioned but fatally naive messages all garbled with the squiggly font of the CAPTCHA program. It is making it more difficult for us to verify your position. (Do you want to be CAPTCHA’D or not? HA HA HA!!!)

END COMMUNICATION. (For now.)