The Good News About Old Age (For Drunks)

This article is headlined “Why Getting Old Means Drinking Less,” but I think that’s a remarkably pessimistic way of looking at things. Consider:

The National Institutes of Health’s Senior Health Web site today issued new warnings about alcohol and aging, reminding people 65 and older that even a few drinks can hit them harder than in their youth.

The reason is that older people metabolize alcohol more slowly, and they also have less water in their bodies. The result is that an adult who consumes just a few glasses of wine will have a higher percentage of alcohol in his or her blood than a younger person drinking the same thing. That’s why you may start feeling tipsy sooner after consuming alcohol, even if your drinking habits are the same as always.

As someone who dreads each passing day not only for what it will bring but because of the terrible accretion of painful memories and poor choices, I have to say that this is a ray of hope that makes me marginally less desirous of a swift passing. I mean, couldn’t we really just call this piece “Why Getting Old Means Spending Less To Get Drunk More Quickly?” Why accentuate the negative?