Showed Up: Last Night's "Mega Secret Private" Robyn Show

Seth Colter Walls: Mary, thanks for inviting me to the “secret” Robyn concert in TriBeCa last night!
Mary HK Choi: Pshaw bro. It was absolutely my pleasure.
Seth: Don’t fucking bro me what to do!
Mary: Here bro. Drink this.
Seth: So it wasn’t actually that big of a secret was it? Was it a radio contest or something?
Mary: Yes it was. And that explained the crowd.
Seth: Oh really? Do you have bad things to say about radio listeners?
Mary: I don’t know why you’d pounce on “bad”…
Seth: I pounce on bad cuz I’m a shit-stirrer.
Mary: Well, yes, I did find some of the crowd’s sartorial/tonsorial decisions to be “confusing” but that’s not what struck me first. It was the fact that they were all standing in twos and threes in a space that was about the size of a studio apartment/studio-flex-Jr-1BR and they were all very well behaved.
Seth: Yes.
Mary: And that some of them had exotic accents that could be described as “Long Islandish.”
Seth: Yeah, the crowd was pretty peppy, for being in what looked kind of like an Ultimate Fighting Championship arena of the damned mixed with a tire warehouse lit by techno lasers.
Mary: I loved the lasers. We loved the lasers.
Seth: I blame the booze for my signing off on the lasers.
Mary: You were late so I went and stood near different clusters of hoi polloi before we retired to the VIP suite upstairs that had all that booze and it was interesting.
Seth: I was RIGHT ON TIME.
Mary: Well, you arrived when Robyn came on so: fair play. Let’s talk about Robyn.

Robyn Talk

Seth: Critical consensus seems to be correct about this individual.
Mary: Well, I love her but I did not used to love her. KABLOW.
Seth: I was *wincing* a little bit, though, on the first song (“Cry When You Get Older”), because the canned-backup Robyn vocals were hard to distinguish from the live-Robyn vocals.
Mary: Right.
Seth: I was thinking — hmm, this might not be a very dynamic live musical performance. But you know what?
Mary: You’re a snob?
Seth: …
Mary: What?
Seth: Starting with “Dancing on My Own,” somebody in her band decided to start digitally tweaking the backup-Robyn vocals. Which was really great and sounded *different* from the records!
Mary: YES. It was dope.
Seth: Right, cause then you could hear what Robyn was actually giving us live — which turned out to be some pretty expressive and tender singing for someone dancing that hard.
Mary: The band was great too because it was like Noah’s ark where there were two of each. Two drummers? Incredible.
Seth: But go back and explain why you didn’t used to love her. I want more than *kablow.*
Mary: I found her last album to be way gimmicky and too “Jeremy Scott” which for me is weird because I love gimmicks and Jeremy Scott (generally). But she rapped way too much in a corny euro fashion. AND I fucking hated her hair and the entire presentation.
Seth: So…
Mary: So I did not like the music. And I did not like the fashion.
Seth: That’ll do it!
Mary: Right but this go ‘round, I heart both. To where I almost don’t understand where all this newnew awesomeness is coming from.
Seth: Well, I think everyone agrees that Body Talk Pt. 1 is kind of a high point.
Mary: I am no music critic but it’s not that sort of thing where a number of green factors are coming to fruition, she honestly seems like a different person to me.
Seth: You are a social critic.
Mary: I YAM.
Seth: Explain what you loved.

Explaining the Love

Mary: I love that we can actually just… SEE HER. And she’s lovely. She’s so much more charismatic when she’s… distilled
Seth: The clothes. They’re kind of work-outy, no? Like, I’d go to BodyFlow with her but…
Mary: MAHAHAHHAHA! BodyFlow.
Seth: Right?
Mary: I found her outfit last night to be kinda hilarious because it was quite buttoned-up. I didn’t think it was as sportif.
Seth: You should see how the women in Beirut wear makeup to the gym.
Mary: That is up my alley.
Seth: Right.
Mary: Robyn was “body-con” in the sense that it was a tight fitting black mini dress with a square neckline and she had a sort of neu-Ann Taylor-ish necklace.
Seth: Is that … good or bad?
Mary: Good. But it did all make me feel like we were watching her do karaoke during happy hour where she “transitioned” into “nightwear” by removing a cashmere cardigan BUT it all totally works for me.
Seth: Yes. Also: damn that was a short set.
Mary: True! But… you know, back to the clothes for a second… when she turned around she had a big metal zipper running on the back of the whole thing which I loved.
Seth: YES! When she did the makeout with myself moves
Mary: SO AWESOME. I loved that.
Seth: It was also a hint of, Oh, she could also undress herself right now with that zipper.
Mary: There was that for sure. Also, the hint of metal was the point at which I had to see the shoes.
Seth: Oh, I wondered what motivated your exodus from the VIP section.
Mary: I SO got big aggy eyebrows from security when I bumrushed.
Seth: I SAW THAT. But you know what? You convinced him of your VIP-ness in like 2.3 seconds flat. I was impressed.
Mary: Well, duh. So I thought her voice was wonderful but you are a gigantic snob when it comes to live voices so what did you think?

The Voice

Seth: I thought her voice was great, once I could distinguish it reliably! Also: while I also was hoping for a mega-mash-extended-remix of “Hang With Me”…
Mary: OH I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO SAY NEXT.
Seth: …that would have incorporated the acoustic version into Body Talk Pt. 2’s electro orgasm.
Mary: Mmmhmm…
Seth: I was pretty happy with just the front half, because Robyn sang it with such, um … it sounds lame to say it, but I’ll say “pathos.” That song really gets me. It’s mining the same lyrical content as “Bad Romance,” and yet it is 1000x more affecting, for me. Because the lyric that warns the listener not to get too close to Robyn…
Mary: Oh, I totally didn’t know what you were going to say next.
Seth: …but the lyric that reveals that she doesn’t want a friendship that could tumble disastrously into furious, untamable love…
Mary: Right, the “don’t fall recklessly, headlessly in love with me.”
Seth: Is pegged to this KILLER synth arpeggio that ascends…
Seth: and ascends…
Seth: and ascends…
Seth: and is saying
Seth: FUCKING LOVE ME.
Seth: FUCKING DO IT ALREADY.
Mary: Whoa Seth.
Seth: There’s such an almost unbelievable tension between that lyric and that music. It’s dreamy and I want to make it alive in my heart all the time.
Mary: Whoa, “alive in my heart all the time.” *looks away*
Seth: What?
Mary: I was giving you a moment… “emotions.” Um…. So… “Arpeggio” I learned last night means “trance build up.”
Seth: I was describing what part of the song was the arpeggio not what an arpeggio does.
Mary: I know. But I didn’t know either before we talked and now I do and it’s why we’re pals.
Seth: No probs, broseph!
Mary: So like, I really wanted the electro version to explode onto the scene but she went acoustic all the way with that song and we were sadface.
Seth: Someday that’s going to be busted out.
Mary: I hope so. I hope there’s wine when it does. And also beer for you.
Seth: (And if not under Robyn’s aegis — then approx 1 hr. after a hi-quality version of Pt. 2’s “Hang With Me” leaks and a smart DJ puts it all together into a 7-minute jam.)
Mary: (handle it, Internetz kthxbai) Oh man, that song is the fucking shit. Also, remember when she sang A. Keys’s “Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart” and I ate that shit up.
Seth: I noticed! I’m starting to think “Hang” is better than “Dancing,” which is my current no. 1 single of 2010?
Mary: I LOVE “DANCING…” Dancing also has pretty epic lyrics
Seth: True.
Mary: I don’t like feelings but it’s what makes me love Robyn so much right now. This album seems to be a lot more honest in so many ways.
Seth: I almost did some true music-reviewer nerd shit right there, but am just gonna say “AGREE” instead.
Mary: COOL. So would you go to a longer show?

Longer Show? Yes Please!

Seth: Yes indeed I would. Would you not? Did you feel like this was a particularly concise show of Robyn’s recent awesomeness that you wouldn’t want to see diluted by the parts of her catalog that you’re less impressed by?
Mary: No actually, and typically this would be my reaction since I am horribly lazy and like to quit while I’m ahead in everything BUT I’m genuinely sorta interested enough to consider going to a longer set.
Seth: Maybe you are not as lazy as you think!
Mary: Maybe. That’d be weird. But I am going to buy the shit out of this album and I really want her to win. I want her to have it all. And FIND WHATEVER IT IS SHE IS LOOKING FOR. Oh, and speaking of Lady Gaga which you brought up earlier… a lot of the contest winners were talking about her.
Seth: Oh yeah?
Mary: Yeah, and how stupid over her they all are.
Seth: Interesting. I think Choire owes me $5 now, or something.
Seth: And then Ke$ha muzak was playing before the show and they are over her too.
Seth: Well, they were perhaps excited by their proximity to Robyn a tad overmuch. OR perhaps there is greater equilibrium in the roiling sea that is our nation’s pop affections.
Mary: OH. IMPORTANT QUESTION.
Seth: ?
Mary: What did you think of Robyn’s hair?

Robyn’s Hair

Seth: When the laser lights chilled the shit down for a hot second, I noticed the right side of her head was dyed blue! (The laser lights were green, color-wheel nerds.)
Mary: YES there was that. But what do you think of the cut? THE CUT?!!
Seth: Oh I liked the cut. But I’m not sure it’s meant for me? For me to like, I mean.
Mary: EXACTLY. See, I think guys will hate it but like, girls love it. And maybe want to get it. It’s such a “GIRL DECISION” cut. I am in the mood to see this on more people.
Seth: BRB going to Chelsea Barber.
Mary: No dude, on chicks.
Seth: OHHHHHHHHH
Mary: NO BROMO
Seth: LOL
Mary: I liked her shoes too… they were peep-toe wedge booties for the record
Seth: … I don’t know what that means!
Mary: It’s OK.
Seth: I know! And that’s why we’re pals.
Mary: Totally.

Seth Colter Walls and Mary HK Choi are a mite sluggish today.

Photo of Robyn on tour by Roger Zender from Flickr.