Sexual Innuendoes Having To Do With Candy That Were Omitted, For Time, From Katy Perry's...

Sexual Innuendoes Having To Do With Candy That Were Omitted, For Time, From Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” Video

by Julie Klausner

• Katy Perry bends over to allow suited day traders to snort colored sugar off her back with Pixy Stix straws.
• Katy Perry solders together both of the Twix bars that come in the wrapper to make a candy version of a double dildo, then shrugs.
• Katy Perry uses Circus Peanuts to dab up the excess moisture from her stomach after her sex partner ejaculates on it.
• Katy Perry puts a roll of Necco wafers up her butt.
• Katy Perry accepts a Werther’s Original from her grandpa-sexily!
• Katy Perry bites into a York Peppermint Pattie. Her nipples get hard and then turn into Mike and Ikes. A bird flies by and eats the Mike and Ike nipples. She screams in pain as her candy nipples are ripped off her body, and bleeds real blood.
• Katy Perry binges on baking chocolate she keeps in the pantry to dull the pain of a sex life without intimacy.
• Katy Perry pretends she is blowing a PayDay.
• Katy Perry wears sexy high heeled shoes made out of Toblerone.
• Katy Perry takes off her underpants to reveal that she has a bag of fun-size Hershey miniatures-like the kind you get at the drugstore for Halloween-where her vagina ought to be.

Julie Klausner has that great book out which, if you haven’t bought yet, well, I don’t know what to do with you.