Knifecrime Island Drunks Gearing Up To Get Extra Loaded

Knifecrime Island Drunks Gearing Up To Get Extra Loaded

To Britain, where the natives cope with the ever-present danger of knife crime by drowning their fears in booze: “A MASSIVE half a million Brits are hungover at work on an average day, a shock survey revealed yesterday. One in ten workers suffers three times a month from a boozy night before.” Such staggering numbers are of great concern to the small group of sober Britons -whose miserable lives on that terrible island are a never-ending nightmare of blade and vomit avoidance-given that the national habit of imbibing anything which might have trace amounts of alcohol in it is sure to rise during the upcoming World Cup. Will Knifecrime Island’s productivity be affected by the increase of drunkenness during the event? Experts say yes, but caution that there is not much of a reason to panic, since the English team’s habit of exiting the tournament early will curtail the period during which its people can overdo it.