Gross Man Loves Gross Shoes

“I get it. In fact, I’m willing to concede the critics’ points — wearing flip-flops is unhealthy, unattractive, and disgusting. But I don’t smoke, drink very little (not for moral reasons; I have sleep apnea), and gamble even less. Everyone needs a vice, you know?”
 — Elon Green, who has previously defended his offensive and gag-inducing choice of footwear in these pages, will broadcast his shameful affection for flip-flops in any platform that will have him. Our only hope is that at some point Elon realizes he is being exploited and not celebrated for these cringe-worthy revelations. Get help, Elon. We’re all worried about you.