Economic Catastrophe Creates Very Unpleasant Line Of Work

Looking for something to do with your life? Perhaps because your industry of choice has dried up and is currently thrashing around like a parched fish left out on blacktop on a hot summer day? Why not become an eviction agent? Thanks to the nearly 4,000,000 houses nationwide that are sitting on “severely delinquent” mortgages, it’s a job with openings galore! Sure, it may result in you being pretty depressed because you’re basically working for commissions that directly result from a series of poor decisions and exploded dreams, but money’s money these days, right?

Here is the exciting work you could be doing, as exemplified by Frank Laubinger, an ex-graphic designer who is hiring two agents soonish:

The occupants of the third house, Israel Lopez and Blanca Sanchez, had finally agreed to move out after months of negotiating. Mr. Laubinger had a check for $1,800 waiting for them.

Expecting a bustle of activity, the agent found the place quiet. Clearly, no one was going anywhere. Only a young boy was home. Mr. Laubinger left a message for the parents.

“They basically blew me off,” he said as he drove away. It’s a common problem: “People are staying longer because they’re not afraid.” …

His phone rang. It was Mrs. Sanchez. “We haven’t found anywhere to go,” she said. “We were wondering if any more extensions could be given.”

Mr. Laubinger was noncommittal but said she would not be evicted that weekend. That was all Mrs. Sanchez wanted to hear.

“They’re doing the math,” he said. “More time is better than the $1,800 I was going to give them to leave.” If he has to order a formal eviction with the sheriff, the paperwork and processing might take all summer.

If that scenario doesn’t fill you with despair, you may be the right person for the gig! Me, I’m going to go cry for a little bit.