Saturday Will Bring Brief Respite From Miserable World Of Pain And Sorrow

The bottom half of the United States is about to be eaten by a giant clump of oil, the third horrific attack against schoolchildren in three days was committed in China earlier today, and a suicidal college student was discovered wandering around a subway tunnel under the East River with a backpack full of cyanide this morning. Still, it’s going to be warm and sunny tomorrow, so, you know, there’s that.