Olympic Runner Commits A Real Boner In His Choice Of Male-Enhancement Drugs

An Olympic runner is facing a two-year ban from competition for flunking a bunch of drug tests in which he tested positive for dehydroepiandrosterone (a.k.a. DHEA), a steroid that’s OK in over-the-counter products in the States but a no-no in Olympic competition. LaShawn Merritt, who won the 400-meter gold medal during the Beijing games, says that the failed test came from a “product that [he] used for personal reasons”; a person with “knowledge of the case” is claiming that the culprit was Extenze, the “natural male enhancement” drug that advertises late at night.

No, not the one with the smiling-Bob commercials and the whistling. That’s Enzyte! The Extenze ads are actually more horrifying and neurosis-inducing:

(For those of you keeping score at home: The That’s When I Clicked “Close Tab” Moment came after that one actress started enumerating all the family members of her “friend’s” small-membered suitor that she had also dated. Because it runs in the family! Oh ho ho arrrgh.)

Fear not, aspiring sportsmen who need a little natural male enhancement to get through the day: NASCAR seems to be more than OK with whatever stew of herbs, spices, and chemicals is thrown into Enzyte’s mix.