A Poem By Amit Majmudar
by Mark Bibbins, Editor
Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE
We Purloin the Balloon. — Details of our Party, with Special Attention Paid to the Cat, Marina. — Our Water Stores Prove Not to be Water. — “And the Map, Dr. Urquhart?” — Of Certain Problems Caused by an Ill-Placed Migration of Cantankerous Birds. — Six Days at Sea in a Wicker Basket. — Flying Fish and Rising Spirits. — We Fall to Quarreling. — The Storm.
CHAPTER TWO
A Curious Seashell with a Curious Inhabitant. — Vulgar Oaths and the “Petticoat Police.” — An Encounter with the Bones of a One-Legged Portuguese Jesuit. — Dr. Urquhart Shoots a Boar. — How the Boar was Skinned in the Absence of Knives. — How I Made a Worcestershire Sauce using Herbs Available to Hand. — Of the Variety and Character of our Dreams. — Of the Variety and Character of our Nightmares. — Our Negro Clyde Discovers a Mysterious Mark.
CHAPTER THREE
Description of the Goro River, and its Unfitness for Bathing. — Savages! — Mr. Parker the American Improvises a Raft. — The Waterfall. — “But where is Clyde?” — Dr. Urquhart Inspects a Spear and Dilates on the Races of Man. — Four Impertinent Flamingos. — The Mysterious Mark Reappears. — We Eat a Creature Hitherto Unknown to Science. — Mosquitoes and Muscatel.
CHAPTER FOUR
We Arrive at the Mission. — Description of Local Customs Regarding the Killing of Christians. — Smelling Salts and Muscatel. — Ambushed! — Mr. Parker Improvises a Barricade. — I Hearten the Menfolk by Improvising a Hymn. — Muskets and Muscatel. — Into the Jungle. — I am Taught the Difference between Hock and Sack.
CHAPTER FIVE
Dr. Urquhart’s Necklace of Ears. — I Submit to a Leash. — Our Italian Friend Vanishes. — We Boil Mushrooms. — Mr. Parker Improvises a Forest Fire. — Deeper into the Jungle. — Dr. Urquhart Speculates on the Mysterious Mark. — A “Tattoo” on my Forehead. — Conversations with a Mulatta Cockatiel. — Mr. Parker’s Chilblains. — “Excelsior!”
CHAPTER SIX
We Find the Astrolabe. — After Searching in Vain for the Sea, we Discard the Astrolabe. — Description of Ambanabou Valley, its Flora and Fauna. — Marina’s Litter Proves Half Tiger. — We Dine on Very Tender Meat. — Dr. Urquhart Makes a Demand.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The German Elopes with the Honeytongued Cockatiel. — The Contents of his Valise. — I Fashion a Clay Smoking-Pipe. — Contents of the Pipe. — Savages! — Correction: Trees. — Naked Priestesses Coupling with Bonobos! — Correction: Trees. — Dr. Urquhart’s Panegyric on Paregoric. — Mr. Parker’s Laudanum Lovesong.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Description of Measles of the Lady Parts, a Common Tropical Affliction. — A Trek. — Treats of the Orougoura Grasslands. — A Magnificent Beast. — Drinking Alongside Zebras. — Dr. Urquhart’s Curious Scrofula Remedy. — A Shakespearean Interlude. — The Rope-Bridge. — Our Expedition “Hangs by a Thread.” — Savages!
CHAPTER NINE
Saved for the Shackles. — “Gee whillickers, Doc!” — Our Hindoo, Chickoo Sing, Absconds with the Silver. — The Spaniard Absconds, with a Spear in his Back. — Capital City of the Oyoyoyoba. — Description of the Oyoyoyoba and their Attire. — Description of Chief Nsasa and his Retinue. — Description of the Chief’s Tent, with Special Attention to the Pole.
CHAPTER TEN
On the Kinds of Tortures Preferred by the Oyoyoyoba. — Mr. Parker Improvises a Series of Screams. — Dr. Urquhart Debates the Medicine-Man. — Marina’s Unexpected Importance in Tribal Religion. — I Taste a Sparrow’s Gallstone. — Chief Nsasa Makes an Extraordinary Proposal. — The Mysterious Mark Explained.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
A Description of Tropical Measles, as it Manifests in Men. — A Delegation from the Bellicose Mbaba. — We Visit the Silver Mines. — Dr. Urquhart’s New Accommodations. — A Festival in my Honor. — Dance of the White Eunuchs. — Honey-wine. — On the Practice of Polygamy Among the Oyoyoyoba. — On the Prospects of Polyandry Among the English.
CHAPTER TWELVE
A Night Visitor. — “I’se never drownded, Miss Vickas!” — I Raise the Alarm. — Our Negro Clyde Improvises a Series of Curses. — Honey-wine and Polyandry. — Marina Grows Fat. — More Threats of War. — I am Appointed Ambassador to the Mbaba. — Description of their City, and their Unlikely Piercings. — I Pacify the Enemy Repeatedly. — My Triumphant Return.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Chief Nsasa Coughs and Dies. — Mr. Parker is Accused of Casting a Spell. — The Medicine-Man Bleeds from his Eyes and Dies. — Dr. Urquhart is Accused of Casting a Spell. — The Chief’s Concubines Defecate Rice Water and Die. — I am Begged to Propitiate my Cat. — The Oyoyoyoba Ooze and Die. — Marina Demands Two Executions. — The Mbaba Blow their Noses and Die. —
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Marina and I Become Missionaries. — The Region is Converted. — Spiritual Crisis. — Return to England. — We Meet with Dignitaries. — A Fortnight at Balmoral. — Bible Study. — Lord Tennyson Makes an Extraordinary Request. — Marina Sits in the Queen’s Lap. — Lemon Biscuits and Soda-Water. — I Decide to Write my Adventures.
Amit Majmudar’s newest book of poems, Dothead, is just out from Knopf
.