Real Vitamins Not Available On Canal Street

So I’ve been trying to figure out this Glaceau Vitaminwater billboard that’s up by the newspaper stand on the corner of Delancey and Clinton Streets. REAL VITAMINS NOT AVAILABLE ON CANAL STREET, it says. CHINATOWN GETS THEIR VITAMINS. That’s all it says. Totally confusing. (Even if you ignore the grammatical error, which, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s intentional.) Even then, what does it mean? Is it like, “You should drink Vitaminwater because it has real vitamins, and you can’t get real vitamins on Canal Street because the people in Chinatown always get there early and snatch them all up?” Or is it, “The people in Chinatown get their vitamins from Vitaminwater, as opposed to on Canal Street, where there are no real vitamins available, so so should you?” Or is it, “People in Chinatown understand vitamins, and so… something?” I don’t understand.

Answers, or clues, or even any pictures of the advertisement don’t seem to be available on the internet. (That’s a photo of a different Vitaminwater billboard, in a different city.) I emailed a query to Glaceau headquarters last night (after filling out all eight required fields to submit, Jesus!) and have not yet received a response, so company brass are obviously stonewalling. What are they hiding? Who are they trying to protect? And where’s Yayo on this? Oh, right. He’s in Aspen.

Update: Glaceau contacted us with a statement: “We are just trying to say that Chinatown gets it’s vitamins by drinking Vitaminwater®.”