How To Be Taken Hostage

Newsweek has some helpful suggestions, quite randomly presented in cartoon form, about dealing with being taken hostage by another person. I disagree with nearly all of these pro tips! Don’t be a hero? America loves heroes. It is anti-American not to be a hero. In fact, your life is meaningless without taking advantage of potential heroism. Let’s roll, people! Roll, that is, against the anti-American elitist traitors that run the liberal coastal mouthpiece that is Newsweek.