Local Man Remarkably Smug About Putting One Foot In Front Of Other

I was walking to the Awl offices this morning and I got all the exercise I need for a month, according to a city Health Department study. SUCK IT, medical professionals who worry about my triglycerides! I am fit as a fucking fiddle! I will NEVER DIE! I can take cabs for the rest of December and still make it through the end of the Nads in one piece! I AM IMMORTAL and all it took was one lousy walk. God, I love this town.