Television Rx: What to Watch If You're in a Mood

by Logan Sachon

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Humans are moody. It’s one of our perks. Some moods call for a quiet walk in the park, some for a run around the block, and some for plopping yourself in front of a screen and watching fictional characters do fictional things in fictional worlds. Your moods, our prescriptions.

If you are feeling:
Frustrated because you’ve had to interact with a man; exasperated because of the existence of men; ashamed that you are man.

Then you should watch:
The Mindy Project

The Mindy Project won’t cure your misandry (nothing will), but it will at least make you feel better about men, or rather, one man, for the duration of your viewing experience. To be clear, men do suck, but Dr. Danny Costellano (Chris Messina) does not, and spending half-an-hour with him while he pals around with/woos/dates/impregnates/loves our girl Dr. Mindy Lahiri will remind you that there are some outliers with an XY chromosome. Men, you could be Danny Costellano. Women, you could date/befriend/raise/pass on the street/be ignored on Twitter by Danny Costellano. Dreams can come true, at least on TV.

If you are feeling:
Divorced from the people; snobby; superior; classist; like you’re hiding in your white tower; like you just referred to half the nation as flyover country; like you looked at some recent poll numbers and were like, wait, but everyone I know is in their 20s or 30s and liberal so I don’t know how any of these stats could possibly be right???!??!?!

Then you should watch:
Modern Family

Modern Family has won five Emmys for best comedy series, more than any show you’ve ever loved (or pretended to love). People love this show! But you don’t love this show. You haven’t seen an episode of this show. You’ve probably made fun of this show, rolled your eyes at this show, balked when this show’s name was called on a Sundaynight while you were livetweeting an awards broadcast. Change that. Because here is what will happen if you watch an episode of Modern Family: You will laugh. You will cry! You will feel emotions that millions of people across the country have felt, as they have watched the same quips and moments. You will understand America. You will understand yourself.

If you are feeling:
Superficial; mean; petty; annoyed with everyone; caustic; sardonic; slightly evil; a little bit sinister.

Then you should watch:
Difficult People

Hey guess what. You’re not a bad person. Julie and Billy­­ are bad people. Enjoy their badness and compare it your badness and feel a little lighter. Their badness is funnier than your badness; you are not that funny, so it’s not all sunshine and roses for you. But you’re not that bad. You are fine.

If you are feeling:
Listless; bored; like you need a new hobby; a new raison d’être; something to think on, obsess about, dream about

Then you should watch:
Nashville

Here’s the thing about Nashville: It’s great. It has characters you love, and characters you hate, and characters you start out hating, and then love, and then some you start out loving, and then hate, and couples you ship, and then couples you want to never be in the same scene again. It’s a lot! It’s a lot of fun! And there’s singing. Never enough, but some. You’ll want to buy a guitar. You’ll want to move to Nashville. You’ll want to make a pilgrimage to the Blue Bird Café. Maybe you’ll do all of those things. Maybe you’ll do them because of Nashville.

If you are feeling:
Good about the world; safe in your body as a women; that your women friends and lovers are safe in their bodies; that you can walk home alone at night, no problem; that your taxi cab driver isn’t about to take you away never to be seen again; that your friend’s failure to respond to your text doesn’t means she’s dead in a ditch

Then you should watch:
Law & Order: SVU

A gentle reminder, in a predictable and familiar format, that life can always be, and often is, less than comfortable (especially for women). And don’t you forget it!

If you are feeling:
Like committing the perfect crime.

Then you should watch:
CSI

This show will scare that seed of a perfect-crime idea right out of you. The supreme lesson of CSI:

you’re gonna get caught.

GIFs: Perfect Gif