Lines from the New Yorker's 3.5-Star Yelp Listing

by Nathan Deuel

“I will never read The New Yorker again.”

“NYC bores nowadays.”

“Thank you New Yorker for helping me kill time the other day.”

“I had lost interests in their article qualities so I stopped subscribing paper version a year ago. However I would like to have a free New Yorker logo tote so I subscribed digital version…Today In receiving this tote I feel not only disappointed but also cheapened myself.”

“This is a great magazine to subscribe to if you’re too busy to find a better one.”

“I sometimes pull out a New Yorker on the train just to make myself look smart.”

“Yeah, I’m kind of over the New Yorker.”

“I have a confession to make: I have never actually visited NYC.”

“Leo Carey, the book review editor, speaks with a low tumultuous voice and sounds like he is near orgasm.”

“Oh, and I love those goddamned cartoons.”

“The New Yorker may be just about the best thing in the world (short of pizza and sunshine).”

“I used to like it better.”

“Sadly, they probably NEVER read these reviews.”