When I Win The Lottery I Am Going To Save All The Manatees

I know it’s Springtime and it’s supposed to be renewal and flowers and budding trees and things like that, but I’m tired of stuff right now, you know? Among certain other things that happened this week, there is also like this thing with the goofball in Korea who is gonna launch a nuclear missile on his grandfather’s birthday or something? It’s depressing!

We (as in U.S.) might set fire to the sky over this guy’s country because he says he has a nuke missile and he wants to use it, you know? Doesn’t this guy know how dangerous We The People are? Look what we did to a country that didn’t even have any good weapons, it turned out. We crazy!

Plus I thought all these Dictators liked movies? We know he likes Sports because of that ridiculous thing with the basketball that happened, but doesn’t this guy like movies? I refuse to Google this shit. I don’t want to learn about this fool. Didn’t he see Dr. Strangelove? Once this thing gets rolling there ain’t no stopping it! I wonder how many spies were in that group that went over for the basketball, huh? Seriously, I bet there was at least one spy. I hope there was a spy, I mean we gotta do something about this kook, I guess, but why is it our job, World Policewise? Can’t we just give him some money? Can’t China handle this one? They want to be Number One now, so why don’t they fix this guy’s wagon, hah? C’mon, China, it’s your century, everybody keeps saying, plus, you’re closer, right?

And what happened with this Drone Army we were building over in Africa, did we do anything with that? Are we getting anything out of these Drones, like, are we gonna attack Syria or something? Is it a secret? Also, how many sides are there, in Syria? Which side are we on? And since when is Hosni Mubarak still alive over in Egypt? I thought that was all done? He’s still on trial for being President? Are you kidding me?

Also, there are robots taking all the clicks out of my computer or something. I’m not Googling any of this shit because it just makes it worse.

Birds around my house are tweeting their natural analogue tweets now every morning before I get outta bed. They wake me up out of my vital Beauty Sleep and I don’t even get mad. They are back from being good birds someplace else, so I should have Joy and stuff because it is the Season of Life, with plants, and li’l baby birds to continue singing and get that early worm breakfast, and no more winter coats and whatever, but all I can think about is Hurricane Season will be back at some point and a whole bunch more people are gonna get washed out to sea because their house is too close to the melted polar icecaps and the Carbon Dioxide dissolved into the sea or the air or however it works with the science because of the pollution and there was a whole iceberg or glacier or something in South America that melted in like 20 minutes after freezing for a thousand years or something and now it’s melted and everything’s fucked up, man.

But it’s Springtime! You don’t have to dress in layers now, that’s Good Times, right? More Daylight, even if you don’t believe in Daylight Savings or whatever, you don’t have to lift a finger and there are more hours of Daylight because of what, the angle of the Earth, or the Earth is closer to the Sun or something? I can’t remember, but all I know is I heard somebody say maybe the Earth was a little wobbly or something or there’s a bulge and that could be also melting everything and there’s Fracking, to get more oil, and it’s causing earthquakes because of how you have to shoot water into the ground or something and so of course there are other guys saying no, Fracking doesn’t cause Earthquakes, people do, or something?

And also a whole buncha Manatees got killed? The Manatee is one of my favorite animals because it is mellow. It doesn’t attack people, it just cruises around and eats seaweed or something. If I was a millionaire I would have a Manatee ranch where they could come and hang out and not get hit by boats or killed, but I don’t, even though I play the lottery all the time, so now I feel bad because of the Red Tide, which chokes out all the oxygen or something, and kills the plants the Manatees eat, and so the Manatees get killed and this is all because of soap or phosphates in the water or maybe it’s chicken shit or some sorta waste product from farms going into the water? We still do this, we still dump stuff out that kills things? Can we maybe reassess the whole Chicken thing, because meanwhile, back in China, they have the “Bird Flu,” but they say they don’t have any big problem with “Bird Flu,” which is up to H7N9 now, and counting. I don’t know, is it important when the serial number of the Flu changes? It’s bad, right? Everything is bad? You know what, China? You need to fix this also. You guys are in charge of your own damn chickens, right? What good is having a Totalitarian Society if you can’t handle stuff like this? Meanwhile you are gonna get everybody in China a car? Haven’t you been paying attention? That’s not a good idea, man. Everybody has admired you for a long time because of all the bicycles.

You know, I’m usually pretty upbeat, I’m a Positive Person, for real, but every once in a while it just all sorta piles up and I have a lot of questions. I’ll get over it. Maybe it’s just the pollen from all the fucking trees.

Previously: Beer With Baseball On The Radio Is Great, You Should Try This Delightful Combo

Mr. Wrong can converse with you via many medias. Brian Garrett took that photo of manatee rescue.