The Twilight Of The Tortilla: What People Really Order At Chipotle

by Bobby Finger

Last week, I sent a Chipotle survey to 100 people. 64 of them responded. This is what they shared.

How do you order your Chipotle?

81.3% of people don’t know ordering online is the way to go.

How long do you wait for your Chipotle?

People don’t like waiting more than 10 minutes for the perfect lunch.

What form does your Chipotle order take?

In which I learned that people actually order the tacos. [Ed note: This is shocking: a Midtown NYC Chipotle is no more burrito place than Shake Shack is a hot dog place, or Starbucks is a sandwich shop. Is this a paleo thing, a carb thing, a calorie-count-on-the-menu thing? As New York goes, so goes the nation? Surely there are high-level meetings about this happening at Chipotle HQ.]

Main ingredient?

Veggies at #2! Who’d have thunk? I hadn’t thunk. Good for veggies.

What kind of beans?

9.4% of people live dangerously.

What kind of rice?

A surprisingly even split, complete with an even more surprising number of carb-free weirdos.

Guac? It’s extra.

60.9% of people don’t mind throwing money into the trash can.

Have you ever ordered a margarita?

I ordered a margarita once, but it was before they started selling the fancy Patron ones. And I don’t think I would pay for a fancy Patron one at a Chipotle.

Dine in or takeout?

I enjoy eating Chipotle at my desk at lunch. I enjoy gchatting and clicking through various links on the internet while scooping the contents of my burrito bowl with the chips I bought for $1 extra. I enjoy the feeling of total satisfaction when I take the last bite and realize that my lunch was, indeed, perfect.

How often do you go to Chipotle?

34.4%!!!!! 34.4%??????!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

Selected quotes from respondents:

“If i work from home i sometimes order chips with my burrito bowl but would never do that at work because that is monster behavior.” — B.D.

“The burritos have so many calories that going to Chipotle is signing up for guilt, at least inside my head it is.” — R.J.

“THE PACE OF THE ORDERING PROCESS MAKES ME SO ANXIOUS I COULD DIE.” — J.R.

“It’s good but I kinda don’t get why it’s a Big Deal? But I don’t eat much fast food, so there’s that. Damn. Now I’m hungry for a margarita. (Didn’t know they served those! Maybe I’ll try to understand the Big Deal now?)” — J.K.

“Extra $ for guac is crazy, not worth it. It sorta enrages me.” — Anon

“Chipotle is garbage but so am I and I eat garbage.” — D.D.

“I LOVE CHIPOTLE AND EVERYTHING THAT MAKE IT FUN. IM A VERY HAPPY PERSON. Sadly there are no Chipotles near my work or home, but I have it any time I find myself near one, and I’m hungry. Guac!” — R.H.

“I live in Manhattan, but tend to avoid Chipotles here and only visit them when I’m in the suburbs because they’re usually busy on a workday lunch hour rush when it occurs to me that I might be interested in eating a burrito bowl. So my strat isn’t as aggressive or proactive as it probably could be. I like a mellow, strat-free burrito-until-I-feel-like-I’m-going-to-vomit experience. Also, the chips and guac rule!” — C.F.

“I used to eat at Chipotle 1–3 times a week, for like a year. I ate myself out of it, went off for a while, and now I’m back to once a month. But man is it delicious. Everyone I know goes through that addiction phase at some point..” — V.S.

“While I rarely partake in them, the margaritas are one of the most underappreciated items on offer — and they’re not even off-menu. They’re pretty large, and more importantly, strong. Plus, most people would never expect that you had a boozy lunch when you’re seemingly only dipping out to go to Chipotle.” — J.F.

And, finally:

“I actually hate Chipotle, and I don’t care who knows it.” — MEREDITH HAGGERTY @MANYMANYWORDS

Bobby Finger orders however he pleases.

(Image from Animakitty)