You Wish to Enter a Life Event Change: A Chat Session

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BELINDA: Hello. You have indicated that you wish to initiate a chat session with me, Benefits, Employee, Legal, Insurance, Nuptials, and Divorce Assistance, also known as BELINDA! What can I help you with today?

ME: i need to change my employee status to married

BELINDA: Congratulations! Marriage is a significant life event! Have you consulted our easy-to-follow guide to Life Event Changes, located on WORKzone PLUS+?

ME: i did go there but i got an error message and so im chatting with you

BELINDA: I love chatting with you, too! I’m sorry you had trouble accessing WORKzone PLUS+. Here is a link: www.workzoneplus+.com. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

ME: no i already went there and dont know what im doing wrong

BELINDA: I’m sure I can help you some other way. Before we get started, do you have all proper documentation regarding your life event change?

ME: yes

BELINDA: Great! Please first upload all documentation to WORKzone PLUS+.

ME: i dont know how to use workzone plus. please help me i need to enroll my wife in the company benefit plan and todays the last day i really do need some help

BELINDA: Marriage is a significant life event! OK, please log on to jobWORKs. 

ME: what? what is that? i dont want to use another website can you please just change my status to married

BELINDA: No problem! Once on INTRAworks, just click on the jobWORKS icon, located under the Employee/Employer/Self-Help/Options/Help tab located on the far-right-hand side of the SUCCESSworkz sub-page (now called jobSTUFF). Or, as an alternative, please visit WORKzone PLUS+.

ME: i dont know where any of this is i really just need to update the system to show that i got married so that my wife can get health insurance and todays the deadline. i dont know how any of this works at this job

BELINDA: You have indicated that you have logged on to jobWORKs. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

ME: no i havent please help me oh god im going to freak out. why is this so complicated. cant you just make the system say im married

BELINDA: Marriage is a significant life event! Once on the jobWORKs homepage, it’s all very easy. If you have forgotten your username or password, just log onto precisionJOBnow! and a new login will be emailed to your &employee@SUCCESS inbox.

ME: i dont know how to log into anything oh my god please please please help im running out of time you dont understand please help

BELINDA: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

ME: i havent logged into anything please help me just change my status from single to married please help me why is this so hard

BELINDA: Great! You have indicated that you are no longer single and are now married. Just make sure to change your status on all of our systems and also our newest, easiest systems, skyWORKSplus, gOaLsMANAGER, and OPTIMIZEplusGOLDSILVERsuccessWORKSplatinum. All of these are accessible via WORKzone PLUS+ and only WORKzone PLUS+. Failure to change your status on any one of these platforms will result in termination. Marriage is a significant life event.

ME: can i please just speak to a human being please

BELINDA: Ha ha ha! You’re very funny! Please keep in mind also that you must enter any life event change within five business days of the event.

ME: i got married two weeks ago

BELINDA: You have indicated that you have gotten married more than five days ago and are now wishing to change your marital status. Are you getting divorced? Divorce is a significant life event.

ME: oh no

BELINDA: Oh yes! Is there anything else I can do for you today?

ME: i want to tear everything down

BELINDA: Thank you for using WorktalkCHATsupreme! Friendly reminder that your approved, final annual review is due to be uploaded in one hour. Failure to do so will result in termination. For an extension, please consult both rewardsNOW and LATERrewards, and just remember to log onto both, using only one browser window, simultaneously!

ME:

BELINDA: Would you like to take a brief survey? We are always looking for ways to improve and would greatly value your input!

ME:

BELINDA: I’m so glad we could help with your significant life event! Goodbye.