NFL Haiku Picks, Week Nine

Image: Dave Parker via Flickr

11/2 8:25 ET Buffalo -3 At NY Jets

Remember to turn
Your clocks back an hour Sunday
And bet on the Bills

PICK: BILLS

11/5 1:00 ET At Philadelphia -8 Denver

Eagles are the best
thing to happen to Philly
Since wizz in cheesesteaks

PICK: EAGLES

11/5 1:00 ET LA Rams -3.5 At NY Giants

The Giants couldn’t
Beat a traffic ticket on
The damned BQE

PICK: RAMS

11/5 1:00 ET At New Orleans -7 Tampa Bay

The Saints defense is
Tougher than a bear eating
A taco in church

PICK: SAINTS

11/5 1:00 ET At Jacksonville -4.5 Cincinnati

All the interesting
Teams have this week off so it’s
Time to wash your car

PICK: BENGALS

11/5 1:00 ET At Carolina -1 Atlanta

Both of these teams are
Hideously broken and
Primed for deep failure

PICK: FALCONS

11/5 1:00 ET At Houston -13 Indianapolis

Congrats to the World
Champion Houston Astros.
Deshaun Watson’s good.

PICK: HOUSTON

11/5 1:00 ET At Tennessee -4.5 Baltimore

You don’t want any
Titans or Ravens on your
Fantasy football team

PICK: TITANS

11/5 4:05 ET Arizona -2 At San Francisco

I feel sorry for
Fans of both these teams because
Holy shit they suck

PICK: 49ers

11/5 4:05 ET At Seattle -7.5 Washington

The Seahawks aren’t that
Good and the Redskins have a
Racist team nickname

PICK: SEAHAWKS

11/5 4:25 ET Kansas City -1 At Dallas

Could be a pretty
awesome game if Elliot
Is unsuspended

PICK: COWBOYS

11/5 8:30 ET Oakland -3 At Miami

The Dolphins traded
Away their best offensive
Player! Read a book!

PICK: RAIDERS

11/6 8:30 ET Detroit -2.5 At Green Bay

The Lions are jinxed
And the Packers don’t have a
Quarterback! Watch ‘The Voice!’

PICK: LIONS

Jim Behrle lives in Jersey City. Remember to do something to your clocks this weekend.