NFL Haiku Picks, Week Six

Image: Dave Parker via Flickr

10/12 8:25 ET At Carolina -3 Philadelphia

Cam Newton doesn’t
Respect women reporters
And must be destroyed

PICK: EAGLES

10/15 1:00 ET At Houston -10 Cleveland

The Cleveland Browns are
A human caterpillar
Of awful football

PICK: TEXANS

10/15 1:00 ET New England -9.5 At NY Jets

Game of the Jets’ year
It’s a Gang Green Super Bowl
Carpe diem, Jets

PICK: JETS

10/15 1:00 ET At Atlanta -11.5 Miami

The Dolphins should play
Teams without their best QBs
Every frigging week

PICK: FALCONS

10/15 1:00 ET At New Orleans -5 Detroit

I like the Lions
Even though they don’t score much
Until fourth quarter

PICK: LIONS

10/15 1:00 ET Green Bay -3.5 At Minnesota

Aaron Rodgers can
Do anything except make
Funny commercials

PICK: VIKINGS

10/15 1:00 ET At Baltimore -6.5 Chicago

Mark Trubisky is
A starting quarterback in
The NFL now

PICK: RAVENS

10/15 1:00 ET At Washington -10 San Francisco

The Niners are great
At kneeling but bad at all
Other football stuff

PICK: 49ers

10/15 4:05 ET At Jacksonville -2.5 LA Rams

Jacksonville seems like
A magical place filled with
Delightful people

PICK: RAMS

10/15 4:05 ET Tampa Bay -2.5 At Arizona

The Cardinals couldn’t
Win small fries in McDonald’s
Monopoly game

PICK: BUCCANEERS

10/15 4:25 ET At Kansas City -4 Pittsburgh

It’s tough to win in
Kansas City because the
BBQ’s so good

PICK: STEELERS

10/15 4:25 ET At Oakland -3 LA Chargers

The Next Sheldon Show
CBS should make should be
Young Zombie Sheldon

PICK: CHARGERS

10/15 8:30 ET At Denver -12 NY Giants

The Giants don’t have
Any wide receivers and
should punt on first down

PICK: GIANTS

10/16 8:30 ET At Tennessee Off Indianapolis

New female boy scouts
Are going to put male boy scouts
To grim, complete shame

PICK: TITANS

Last week’s Haiku Picks went 7-7. Sorry.