NFL Haiku Picks, Week Five

Image: Dave Parker via Flickr

10/5 8:25 ET New England -5.5 At Tampa Bay

Patriots slumping!
Did they forget to park the
Gronk in the endzone?

PICK: BUCCANEERS

10/8 1:00 ET At NY Giants -3.5 LA Chargers

The Giants will win!
The Chargers will be jetlagged
And sad they’re fanless

PICK: GIANTS

10/8 1:00 ET At Cincinnati -3 Buffalo

Buffalo’s defense
Is pretty good. The Bengals
Are kinda awful.

PICK: BILLS

10/8 1:00 ET At Cleveland -2 NY Jets

Cleveland fans, the Browns
Will lose every game this year.
Watch the Windians!

PICK: JETS

10/8 1:00 ET At Pittsburgh -8.5 Jacksonville

Blake Bortles is the
Ring bearer at your wedding
Who eats the bride’s ring

PICK: STEELERS

10/8 1:00 ET Tennessee -3 At Miami

Jay Cutler of the
Miami Dolphins doesn’t
seem to like football

PICK: TITANS

10/8 1:00 ET At Indianapolis -1.5 San Francisco

After another
Tough week who wouldn’t unwind
To this horror show?

PICK: COLTS

10/8 1:00 ET At Philadelphia -6.5 Arizona

I keep picking the
Cardinals and they keep making
Me look like a jerk

PICK: EAGLES

10/8 1:00 ET At Detroit -3 Carolina

The Panthers are back!
But Cam Newton made fun of
A lady reporter

PICK: LIONS

10/8 4:05 ET At LA Rams -2 Seattle

The Seahawks used to
Be fun but now they’re like a
Bag of gray Skittles

PICK: RAMS

10/8 4:05 ET At Oakland -4 Baltimore

Without a QB
Raiders will be like Ramen
Without the noodles

PICK: RAVENS

10/8 4:25 ET At Dallas -2 Green Bay

I don’t like either
One of these teams very much.
Go with the Packers.

PICK: PACKERS

10/8 8:30 ET Kansas City -1.5 At Houston

Deshaun Watson is
An exciting young player.
I like watching him.

PICK: TEXANS

10/9 8:30 ET Minnesota -3.5 At Chicago

Mike Glennon throws the
Ball like he’s a fat paperboy
Aiming for bushes

PICK: VIKINGS

Haiku NFL Picks went 11-5 last week. That’s all you need to know. Don’t look into this any further, please.