Ways That Steve Buscemi Could Die In Future Coen Brothers Movies, Ranked

A listicle without commentary

36. Spun around in industrial washing machine

35. Dropped into frozen lake in underpants

34. Chopped to bits by Weed-Whacker

33. Heart attack (erotic)

32. Pushed off bridge into waterfall

31. Eaten alive by John Goodman

30. Tommy gun explodes in hands

29. Redwood tree falls on him just as he is about to kill John Turturro

28. Slips on banana peel and falls down elevator shaft

27. Drives old-timey car into fireworks factory

26. Impaled upon Rotisserie stick and slow-cooked over open flame

25. Devoured (off-camera) by titular bear

24. Plummets over cliff in Model T

23. Albert Finney cuts brakes on recumbent bicycle

22. Trampled by stampede of mysterious deer

21. Body fed through 1920s mail-sorting machine

20. Executed in forest to soundtrack of traditional Scottish folk opera

19. Bordello conflagration

18. Eviscerated by thousands of army ants

17. Shot by cuckolded man wearing eyepatch

16. Heart attack (steakhouse)

15. Dance floor collapse at juke joint

14. Tied to train tracks by Jennifer Jason Leigh

13. Pushed out of hot air balloon

12. Stabbed by door-to-door Bible salesman

11. Jump rope strangulation

10. Decapitated in toy store (1957)

9. Drowned in baptismal font by Josh Brolin

8. Ill-fated confrontation with vengeful stenographer

7. Abandoned by lover after stepping in bear trap during quest for Mexican treasure

6. Mishap at honkytonk

5. Double-crossed by Evangelical hitman

4. Landmine explosion (Enid, Oklahoma)

3. Tied to top of Toyota Tercel and repeatedly run through car wash

2. Old age, surrounded by loved ones

1. Forced to swallow military grenade by Tim Blake Nelson

Jason O. Gilbert is a humor writer in Brooklyn, NY with this Twitter account.