Letting Kids Use Social Media Is One More Way We Show Them We Don't Care About Them

Why did we think this was a good idea for anybody?

Science, tell us what else is terrible in the world right now.

Young adults who use seven to 11 social media platforms are three times more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety than those who use zero to two platforms, according to a new study by researchers at the University of Pittsburgh Center for Research on Media, Technology and Health (CRMTH)…. One suggestion is that users of multiple platforms would be constantly multitasking — as would happen when switching between platforms — which is strongly linked to poor cognitive and mental health outcomes. Also, they note that there is greater opportunity to commit a social media faux pas when using multiple platforms, which can lead to repeated embarrassments.

Think about how hard your own adolescence was. Think about how close to crazy you came with almost nothing else to do. Now imagine how horribly you would fuck things up with so many social platforms demanding your attention and reminding you of how worthless you are all the time. Look at how many adults you know who are handling it badly! (Before you get all judgey about kids being on so many platforms, here are the ones they asked about: Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Google Plus, Instagram, Snapchat, Reddit, Tumblr, Pinterest, Vine, and LinkedIn. How many were you on this week?) It’s a probably a good thing that these children have no future, because the world to which they would have grown up would be so terrible they’d have been right to hunt down those of us responsible and murder us for likes.