Life Imitates A Pile of Dead Bugs

A new commercial for Raid® Ant & Roach Killer makes ‘masterpieces’ out of 20,000 dead roaches.

Imagine you were an artist and you were commissioned by a fancy advertising agency to make pop art out of dead bugs as a way to promote a deadly spray that kills roaches seven times faster than the next leading ant and roach spray and the agency guy is like, “You might say we’ve turned killing into an art,” and you have to keep a straight face as you tell your studio assistants that they’re going to be opening comically large petri dishes of dead but generally clean-looking, shiny roaches, and tweezing them into place on big canvas, using the bigger roaches for definition, and the smaller ones for the more detailed work, and that you will provide them pillows to rest their heads on as they lie in the prone position with their faces just inches away from said dead bugs, which were probably not killed by Raid® funnily enough because otherwise you’d all be huffing fumes in this enclosed space and that would be bad, but this is not that bad, because the bugs are just like any other medium—a tool for creative expression, and did we learn nothing from the elephant dung and Piss Christ?—so just be glad you have the easy, fun job, and not the job that is collecting and then humanely (?) gassing (?) and then counting out all the roaches so that you can use exactly twenty-thousand per canvas, since that number represents the high end of a roach infestation in the average house. Do you blink? No. You take the money and run!

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