Who Is A Millennial?

Can we please decide on who is a millennial? @sarahlyall says 21 – 39. Most others say 16 – 34. Which is it?http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/16/business/media/trying-to-pin-down-the-mosaic-of-millennial-tastes.html?ref=media …

 — @vivian

Given that generational labels are at best approximate and especially mutable around the edges it is of course impossible to fix a time frame on what age range defines millennials — let’s not even get into the tricky subject of who exactly we are speaking of when we use the word — but I will propose a rough guide to the characteristics common to the generations in order to better help you establish your place in our advertising-friendly cosmology.

• If your cohort is marked by self-obsession, a belief that you changed the world for the better and an inability to recognize that you got the best out of the economy, the environment and technology and you are going to die in comfort right before the negative effects that your reckless plunder on all of those things makes life unbearable for everyone who came after, you are a Boomer.

• If your cohort is marked by self-disgust, a belief that you never had a fair shot and an inability to shut up about how people used to talk to each other in person plus a vestigial obsession with shitty rock music from the Pacific Northwest, you are Generation X.

• If your cohort is marked by the belief that not enough people are making it about you, you are Generation Catalano.

• If your cohort is marked by self-obsession, a belief that you will change the world for the better and an inability to recognize that GIFs are not conversation, Tweeting is not marching, and quizzes that are almost comically transparent in their desire to turn you into a marketable commodity are not an actual ratification of how special you are, you are a millennial.

• If your cohort is marked by an astounding amount of potential and an already-notable lack of annoying self-regard you are whatever we would call the next generation. Unfortunately we are not going to come up with a name, because due to the way the Boomers fucked up the future for everyone you are going to spend most of your life running from fires and hiding from the killer robots that want to eat you. Sorry. Life isn’t fair (unless you’re a Boomer, in which case man did you really get away with one).

I hope that helps! But if you want something a little shorter so that you can share on social media here’s a brief takeaway that should settle the question at hand: If during the time it took to read this you started to get agitated about how long it had been since you last received praise from your supervisor, you are a millennial. Good for you!