Some Worthless Bullshit I Learned in 2015

by Dayna Evans

If you slice holes in the knees of your jeans, you increase their coolness percentage by twenty percent.

Whatever you look like when crossing the path of a “skinny mirror” is how the rest of the world generally sees you. You’re not actually as disgusting as you think you are.

Buying expensive shampoo seems stupid but it isn’t.

You don’t have to enjoy everything that everyone else likes but being a hater for sport is fucking irritating.

On that note, IPAs taste bad.

There are luxury movie theaters in New York City with reserved assigned seating. [Note: Please don’t forget you learned this next year.]

You don’t owe anyone anything except your goddamn mother.

The arrow on the fuel gauge on your car’s dashboard indicates which side your gas tank is on. I learned this from Kelly Conaboy by way of Joe Mande.

Always split the dinner tab with your friends. It all comes out in the wash. That one friend who doesn’t agree with this is worth cutting loose in 2016.

Coffee that I bought always tastes better than coffee that I made.

You can usually take six ibuprofen. [Note: I’m not a doctor.]

Every woman should have a list of Male Enemies that they keep handy at all times, to be consulted and added to frequently.

There are Instagram accounts dedicated to skateboarding bruises.

Every woman hits an age where they decide to “get into running.” About half actually start doing it regularly, usually accompanied by a decrease in heavy partying. It’s admirable, sort of…

…I said sort of.

A fun way to throw money away is to buy useless domain names. This year I purchased yourmomswebsite.com.

GoPros cost way more money than I thought. Feels like they should probably be — I dunno — $50 bucks tops? No. They’re more like $200 and up.

There is such a thing as “rich girl hair.”

Which reminds me: haircuts are not worth it.

Friending people on Facebook is cool again.

Smoking cigarettes is cool again.

Art is cool again.

Wearing clothes that are ill-fitting just to be trendy is no longer cool. Wearing clothes that feel good is cool.

No one is personally gunning for you to succeed except maybe your mom so you better go try succeeding by your damn self.

The Instagram Explore tab is better than TV.

When you press and hold on a photo in Google image search on your phone, you’ll be given the option to either save the image or copy it. No more screenshots taken from my Google image search page.

There is no god.

The Moscow Mule is a superior drink.

Photo by EagleCam

Save Yourself is the Awl’s farewell to 2015.