"It's funnelled hole suggests terrible uses"

“I crack two whole eggs into the hot tunnel, trying to ignore the gurgling sound from within. It’s impossible to see what’s going on — but it smells bad. I squint into the dark opening. A bulging yellow sac peers back at me. Minutes pass; the smell does not. Then, without warning, a flaccid, spongy log half jumps from the machine, writhing like an alien parasite in search of a host body.”
 — Deep within the Internet’s 24-hour garbage buffet, Rhik Samadder’s kitchen gadget column is one of the few good things on offer.