Hey, Guess What Film Isn't a Light Romp Through Ironic Misogyny?

HO BODY WALKS IN LA

On accident and as a prank and for kicks we went to see Entourage, the motion picture, last night, and holy smokes. You know how sometimes people are like “haha I loved Boxing Helena” or “Showgirls is actually genius” or “I have The Last Airbender on Blu-ray”? This is NOT ONE OF THOSE CASES.

Listen people, I saw Waterworld on opening weekend. I know about bad movies. And there is nothing, nothing, nothing that has ever been committed to film that is so utterly culturally, socially, linguistically, intellectually, morally and aesthetically demeaning as Entourage. I laughed four times but only one of those was at something actually funny. (Jeremy Piven, bless his commitment to commedia dell’arte, works his bizarre and unlikeable scalp off. TO WHAT END. Come back to Noyes Street, Jeremy Piven Jeremy Piven.) (Also I always laugh at Entourage’s anti-gay stuff, because it feels so real.) But, it’s worse than that.

The sole point of the movie is that women are disgusting sneaky tempestuous conniving rotten fuckbots from outer space who must be avoided and/or fooled at every turn.

The dark side of LA hasn’t gotten significant representation in a while. Recently it’s been all “ooh the startups of Venice!” and “will the last person to leave Brooklyn please turn off the lights” and “see you at Sqirl but early, before my Yogalates™”! But it’s still there, ask any actress, and here’s proof in the sad contractual offspring of a bitter divorcing director and his shitty product placements.

How bad is it? The movie is so rabidly sexist that it even becomes pro-gay by the end, which is crazy, but that’s how it goes. It’s bros before hos all the way down, even if the bro is the much-maligned homo. HOLLYWOOOOOD.

I cannot stress enough how much I am not kidding here. It’s so bad. It’s not even competently filmed! It’s not even competently LIT. (The audio is pretty okay though.) They make people look terrible and wrinkled. They shot Jon Favreau from below and to the side, making him look like a listing peach-colored ocean tanker. Inexplicable locations pile up! Pregnant women park their cars miles from their Lamaze classes. A friend drives by a friend walking down Wilshire towards Fairfax. NO ONE HAS EVER WALKED THOSE BLOCKS. (Yes this person in the Google street view is either homeless or getting in his or her car.)

That a few jokes escape from this filth-pie of smog and self-hatred is a weird script doctor miracle. What a town! Entourage makes Sex and the City 2 look like Inception (with more pubes).