Expect

A man who writes on the internet for a living receives an email message from a colleague of his with the words “the irony” in the subject header field. He clicks it open and it says,

“…of writing something you think is going to piss people off and then almost no one reads it.”

“that happens a lot,” he replies.

In a few moments another email comes from the same colleague. “I need to institute a plan of lowered expectations.”

“did i tell you the story,” he writes, “of when i went with my mom to her mother’s funeral and we missed a plane so were like an hour-and-a-half late for the funeral and then the speech my mom gave at the funeral about expectations?”

He sends.

He receives: “No.”

He types: “my mom mom’s died when she was like 93 or something and we flew to rochester, where she lived in an old age home, for the funeral. in the airport we were sitting underneath a faulty speaker so we couldn’t hear the boarding calls and we missed the flight. its very rare to see my mom as angry as she was when talking to the airline person. but we got the next flight, and they delayed the funeral for as long as possible — though i know my mom’s sister, who lives in rochester, was being a total bitch to my mom because that’s the way she usually is in general — but they started it before we got there and so had to walk into a chapel late. quite late, and my mom, you know, it’s her mom’s funeral, so she was embarrassed.

the funeral was almost over so my mom got up to give a speech and she apologized for being late but then said that there was something that made her feel more okay and that was that she knew that her mom would not have expected anyone to come to her funeral anyway.

she said that the most valuable thing her mom had ever taught her was to never expect anything from anybody. never expect phone calls or birthday gift or visits or compliments or anything. and then that way you never feel disappointed by people or life, and then, maybe even importantly, anytime you do get any of these things from another person, it just comes as a gift, a bonus, and you’re made the more happy for it.

she said her mom never gave her or her siblings any pressure about not-calling or not-visiting or whatever, and that this was the newest gift she could have given to my mom in her busy adult life.

and my mom said that that was the most important to lesson she learned from her mom: not to expect. never to expect. the key to a happy life.

there’s also a great pavement song that ends with steve malkmus just repeating the line, “don’t expect” again and again and again.

easier said than done, of course, but this is as close to real wisdom as anything i know in the world. (kinda buddhist, for sure.)

also: now I know that i can be late to my mom’s funeral.

that’s it. i’ve drank a lot of coffee this morning.”

(Previously.)