Maybe You're Sad Because You're Not Telling Yourself To Be Less Sad
Having a hard time during the holidays? The line forms to the rear, say hi on your way back there, I’ll be the guy with the frowny-face and the red, watery eyes. But all is not lost! The Wall Street Journal has some tips to help you weather the storm. Some of them are common sense, sure, but this struck me as potentially helpful: “’Several studies have shown that writing yourself a caring, supportive letter about the issue you are struggling with significantly increases happiness, improves mood and facilitates coping with negative emotions,’ says Dr. Emiliana Simon-Thomas, science director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley.” That does not sound like a bad idea, right? I could use some sympathetic words, and God knows they’re not going to come from anyone else. Let’s give it a shot. Here’s mine:
Dear Balk,
I know you’re sad right now. Hell, let’s be honest, when are you not sad, am I right? Quick impression of you: “Boo hoo hoo, I’m so sad. Everything is terrible and only getting worse. I walked down the street yesterday and in each face that brushed by mine by I saw a story of sorrow. There’s no hope for the future and only the delusional can take joy in what’s left. It’s a slow trudge to the tomb but I’m going to prize every teardrop I shed along the way because I am so self-regarding and unable to put things in perspective that I cannot see how petty my problems are compared to the suffering that everyone else experiences. Poor sad sensitive me.” Etc. You’re kind of a drag to be around, you know? But listen up. As I am here to be supportive and caring during this dark time for you, I want you to know I have thought a lot about your problem and, if it makes you feel any better, you are actually right to be sad: Everything is terrible and only getting worse. The best days passed you by a long time ago and you wasted even those. The world is in such a state that diminishing returns are the most optimistic thing to expect, and I wouldn’t exactly hold your breath waiting on those to come through. More importantly, you are correct about your own worthlessness, and the astounding level self-involvement it takes for someone with all the unearned advantages that glide your path each day to wallow in his own feelings of being a little blue is so beyond unseemly that it is almost vomit-inducingly disgusting. You’re pathetic. So don’t give yourself such a hard time about what a waste of space you feel like you are, because you’re absolutely right there. Just try and be a little more quiet about it, okay? “BLAH BLAH BLAH POOR ME,” nobody wants to hear that. Anyway, I hope this helps. Happy holidays!
Your colleague,
Balk
You know what? I do feel a little bit better! It’s comforting to be told that I’m not imagining things. In fact, now that I’ve seen it written down like this, I feel like this is going to be the best Christmas ever. Maybe I’ll even die! Know hope, everybody. Know hope.