America's Deeply Incorrect New Nut Ranking

“In 2012 Americans ate more almonds per capita than shelled and unshelled snack peanuts combined (not including peanut butter).” Almonds are great — especially in milk form — but what the fuck is wrong with you America?

Nuts, properly ranked (updated for 2014):

11. pine nuts
10. regular walnuts
9. hazelnuts
8. pecans
7. cashews
6. almonds
5. brazil nuts
4. macadamia nuts
3. peanuts
2. black walnuts
1. pistachios

But I suppose this new development does reflect, in its way, our particularly American way of privileging mediocrity, and who can fault, like, American values?

Photo by Shelby Root